Building Powerful Listening Skills

Don’t interrupt and don’t impose your “solutions.”

Interrupting sends many messages across to the speaker. It implies that you're more important, what you have to say is more interesting, you don't care or have time for what that person is saying. 

"We all think and speak at different rates. If you are a quick thinker and an agile talker, the burden is on you to be a more patient and thoughtful communicator—or for the guy who has trouble expressing himself."

When listening to a problem, it's best not to offer solutions to an issue. If someone is seeking advice, they will ask for it. It is best to just listen. 

How patient are you when someone else is speaking? I generally don't have a lot of patience myself. 

Keep an open mind.

In order to have powerful listening skills, you need to listen without judging the other person or mentally criticizing what the other person is saying to you. Understand why they're saying it and what they're asking of you. If you have a negative mind on what the person is saying to you because you don't agree with it, it will affect your listening skills. 

From a personal perspective, I have had situations where I am in an argument with someone and all I could think about was my reasoning without listening to the other person's argument because I was blind from my own thoughts. Listening helps you understand someone else's perspective and resolve problems faster than if you weren't listening. 

Pay attention to nonverbal cues.

"The majority of direct communication is probably nonverbal. We learn a lot about each other without saying a word. Even over the telephone, you can learn almost as much about a person from the tone and cadence of their voice than from anything they say." 

When you're around people at work, you can often tell it's Monday by the expression on their faces or that it's Friday because of the smiles on everyone's face. Here is a YouTube video for more information. 

Give the speaker regular feedback.

Showing feelings for what the speaker is saying will reassure the speaker you are listening. If something bad happened, saying something like "oh that must be hard for you" would reassure the speaker that you are listening to them. If you don't understand something, remember to get clarification when the timing is right but do not interrupt. 
I myself, have a very bad habit of not listening which is why I chose to write about Building Powerful Listening Skills.  

Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.

When someone is telling you a happy story, sad story, or funny story, the expression on your face is reassurance that you've been listening to them. 

"If you feel sad when the person with whom you are talking expresses sadness, joyful when she expresses joy, fearful when she describes her fears—and convey those feelings through your facial expressions and words—then your effectiveness as a listener is assured. Empathy is the heart and soul of good listening."

Ask questions only to ensure understanding.

During dinner, a friend might be talking about her child's diaper rash. The conversation might go from the diaper rash to asking about her husband to how her husband's new job is going to getting on the topic of your own husband's job and completely forget about the diaper rash! This type of conversation happens a lot. 

"Our questions lead people in directions that have nothing to do with where they thought they were going. Sometimes we work our way back to the original topic, but very often we don’t."

The best way to resolve this issue is to get the conversation back by saying "so what sort of cream has helped with little Tommy's diaper rash?" 

Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions.

I can't even count how many times I have interrupted someone who was speaking just for clarification on what they were talking about. What happens when you do this, is the speaker forgets what they were talking about or what point in the story they were at. 

Be attentive, but relaxed.

When you have the person's attention, you don't have to stare uncomfortably at that person. You can look around and at other things in the room to prevent awkwardness. The most important thing is to be attentive. 

"Try not to focus on the speaker’s accent or speech mannerisms to the point where they become distractions. Finally, don’t be distracted by your own thoughts, feelings, or biases." 

I have terrible listening skills. I also don't like to keep eye contact for too long. How comfortable are you with keeping eye contact?

Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.

When you're speaking to someone, you have to make sure you have their full attention. Looking at the person speaking to you and maintaining eye contact shows that you're paying attention.

"In most Western cultures, eye contact is considered a basic ingredient of effective communication. When we talk, we look each other in the eye. That doesn't mean that you can't carry on a conversation from across the room, or from another room, but if the conversation continues for any length of time, you (or the other person) will get up and move. The desire for better communication pulls you together."

Be honest. How good are your listening skills? Do you prefer to be the speaker or are you more of a listener?

feedback

Do you find it hard to concentrate when someone is speaking to you?

Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert? 

What strategies do you find could be helpful in improving your own listening skills? 

How comfortable are you with maintaining eye contact when you are in a conversation? 

References

Schilling, D. (2012, November 9). 10 Steps To Effective Listening. Retrieved March 9, 2015, from http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/11/09/10-steps-to-effective-listening/2/